If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you will have realised that I am someone who has been on a transformational journey for the last 5 years. This journey has led me out of the drug fuelled manic aggression, wrought with violent episodes (which ultimately ended up in me hurting someone I didn’t know) into someone who is seeking enlightenment.

My journey has brought me to a place where I believe most will never reach due to their obsession with money, greed, fame, lust, desire for power and all the other symptoms of the ego.

I have had many helpers along the way and as I continue to grow to become a better, more caring, more genuine person I wanted to acknowledge those helpers who have played a cardinal role in what has become a life worth treasuring.

Now besides from my wife, who is obviously the most influential force and person I have ever had on my life and who, over the last 10 years, has made me into a man that I respect and love, I have some secondary influences in the form of pieces of literature.

Now you might be thinking, what can a book do to change your life, well, you need to read these books and then you will understand. These books will help you understand how poisonous you are to yourself. If you are not so obtuse and ignorant that you cannot look deep into yourself, then these books will change the rest of your life for the better. Without further ado my top 5:

1. A New Heaven, A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle

This is the most life changing book I have ever read. This is the source of dissolving your ego. Your ego, which you may or may not realise is the everything and anything upon which your apparent life is created. It is why you say and do practically everything and you have no idea how much it has polluted your life.

It creates that niggling little voice which is making you insane, every second of every day (though you may not realise your insanity until it’s gone). Every conversation you have, every thought, every thing you do, is affected by your ego’s desire to attain more.

Those who think they have no ego, are some of the most egotistical people alive by virtue of the fact that they use their apparent higher plain of consciousness to perceive themselves as better than everyone else. This of course, is the ego. It is only we you can be truly non-judgemental that you will understand this fully.

One day, although I suspect it will take a lifetime, I hope to be non-judgemental and ego-less from a purely genuine place.

If you think you do not need to read this, then you are precisely the person who needs to read it. Everyone on earth needs to read this, simple.

Does the following mean anything to you:

When I do well, it is because of my intelligence, but when others do well, it is because of their environment.
When I do badly, it is because of my environment but when others do badly, it is because of their intelligence.

You know what your answer is to this, that is why you need to read this book.

2. The Power Of Now – Eckhart Tolle

This book is by the same author as above and although written first, I believe should be read after you have read and absorbed the first book. This book conveys another side to the ego that we all struggle with every single day and most importantly how you overcome it.

For most people, the future will always be better, brighter and greater. We will achieve all our goals in the future and we will be happy, fulfilled and successful in the future. On top of this, most feel defined by their past. Their past shapes their abilities, their reactions, their lifestyle and their ambitions.

The problem with this, is that if this is how you define you life, you will spend the rest of you life blaming the past and wishing for the believed to be better, but never attainable, future.

Again, this is the ego’s desire to be better and in the same way as described previously, it completely poisons you out of your own future. This book provides the same solution as the first one, because it is the only solution to the same underlying problem.

You need to understand that the message in both above books takes years to understand and digest and it is not something that you just read. It is something you need to live. But after merely reading, the transformation will have already begun. You will be staggered at how much happier you are and how much more comes into your life.

3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Steven Covey

Possibly the most famous, “self-help” book in the world. The definition of effectiveness. An absolute master-class of how to create everything you want, practically.

7 life-long habits that will take you a life time to embrace. These habits make you believe that anything is possible and if you are naive like me, then you will certainly welcome this way of thinking. If you are a glass is half-empty kind of pessimist, then you need to read this in order to not spend a life wishing for what you can only blame yourself for not attaining.

4. Emotional Intelligence – Daniel Goleman

Emotional Intelligence has nothing to do with how well you handle pressure or stress at work or how nervous you get in a job interview. This is what MBA students are taught to understand it as, but that is not it.

EQ is related to everything spoken about already and it is all of the above. This book discusses both the physiological and psychological aspects of EQ and if you love science like me, then you will find the biological aspects of the brain and mind discussed in this book, incredibly interesting.

This is the authoritative work on the subject by the man who first understood it and while it is a challenging read, you will feel incredibly awakened by the notions of how pointless and meaningless things like IQ really are. If you love the fact that you are clever and all you think of is shallow financial success, then you need to read this because you need to understand that clever has nothing to do with getting you the materialistic props that you seek so badly.

5. Gut Feelings – Gerd Gigerenzer

Superb. If you want to trust every decision you ever make and know that it comes from a place of depth so far beyond what the primitive, conscious, logical mind can fathom, then you need to read this. I think we all know, intuitively that all the best decisions, that we all make, are not those that come to use by way of logic and deep analytical thinking.

I have tried to live my life avoiding logical thinking for as long as I can remember and I have always made the right decisions for better or for worse. Note, that your gut may not always lead you along the path of least resistance. It may not even lead you on a pleasurable journey, but, it will lead you where you need to go, because there is a message and life-lesson for you in that journey.

This book is fascinating in that the author actually shows you how, though a multitude of verbal and thought experiments, just how powerful and correct your intuition is. It is staggering and provoking. It will make you understand that life is not as serious as we all wish it to be. Life is as fun as we make it and life is everything that we think it is. If you think it is bad, it will be bad.

So how have these 5 books (amongst many others) changed me? Well, everyday I am living the life I want, I am happy, I have all sorts of amazing opportunities coming to me, money always seems to make itself available to me when I need it and most importantly, I have a soul mate to share it all with.

Couldn’t ask for anything better really!

Been thinking a bit about favourites, specifically those relating to the parent-child relationship. Parents get a pretty hard deal having to always confirm that “I don’t have any favourites, I love you all equally”.

Why shouldn’t they have favourites is my question? I mean we all have favourites regarding almost anything and everything, right? A favourite cat, a favourite music genre, a favourite food, a favourite colleague, a favourite friend and definitely a favourite extended family member….so why not a favourite kid?

Why do we assume or even expect that the laws of society and human dynamics don’t apply when we talk about kids and their relationships to their parents?

I am not saying that it makes being the less favourite any easier. All I am saying is that it is what it is and it is what makes us human, we have a tendency to like and dislike.

Anyways, my brain fart for the day

I was driving back from a distant client meeting recently (this place was out in the sticks so I had time to think) and I was paying attention to the road as I was driving over it with some detail. Not the potholes or the lines or anything like that. Rather, I became engrossed in the thought that at any point in time, we are, literally, walking on the edge of the earth.

We take this for granted surely. I mean we get pulled into a world of abstraction where the blue sky formed from changing air pressures creates this blueish barrier between us on earth, and space.

The reality is that the moment I jump into the air, I am already in space. I have actually done what all those people who spend $20 million do. I went into space. I know it sounds retarded but think about it for a second. Walking on the surface of the earth is essentially the same as walking on the surface of the moon. We perceive it be different because we see that amazing blue sky above us which creates this illusion of separation but its just air really.

What a simple thought, it was profound for me.

Naive, is a word shrouded in disdain for most people. No-one seems to want to be naive or be known as naive.

Well, I am naive and I am fucking happy about it! Let me tell you what naive means to me…

While you find a problem in every solution, I find a solution to every problem. While you spend all your time focusing on the details, I spend my time happily ignoring them in the knowledge that everything always works itself out in the end. While you complicate your life with your inability to commit or to compromise, I acknowledge that two heads are always better than one and three heads are always better than two. While you spend your entire life focusing on meaningless titles and pats on the back that neither you nor anyone else will even remember in 5 years, I focus on being true to myself and not playing the game. While you have no idea about how toxic you are to yourself, I am confident that the way to my own success, is by us all succeeding together.

While you cannot survive without others knowing how clever you think you are, I carry the knowledge that I am smarter than you for the simple reason that I do not care whether or not I am smarter than you. While you cannot know true love because you cannot face yourself, I love completely and am completely loved because I am not afraid to get hurt.

The reason I am all this and you are not, is because I am naive. I chose to see the world as new and fresh every day. I choose to see each situation as an opportunity and not a chore or a disease. I choose to make mistakes and admit them. I choose to not care about being the smartest or fastest or richest.

I choose to be everything that you are not because I understand that the secret to life is not lust or greed or gain or revenge but rather it is love.

I choose to tell you this because watching you’ destroy yourself again and again and again and spend a long life chasing things you think matter, is agonising. I want you to be happy. I want you to know how wonderful it is to be free. I want you to know that in not chasing everything you think is important, the things that are important become apparent and realised.

Go ahead, call me an idealist, but one day, when its far too late, you will realise that you could have been more to more people by being a little bit, naive…

A new year is here. Like those that have come before, it feels surreal that another year has passed. But oh, what a year it was! What an amazing, difficult, challenging, fantastic and transformational year it was. 2010 has got a lot to live up to…

With my home country, South Africa, hosting the Football World Cup this year and with a good dose of irony in that my wife and I are emigrating from this beautiful country this year, times ahead are both exciting and daunting!

So excited, so scared, its gonna be a heck of a ride! By this time next year, I will be writing this blog post from Sydney, Australia (and will be lavishing the supremely better internet connection). I wonder how we are going to look back the place that has been our home for 28 years? How will we see everything once viewed as an outsider? I wonder how long it will take before I put on an Australian rugby jersey and praise the team?

So much beauty here, seems crazy to leave paradise except for the fact that it’s nearly paradise but not quite. It is all those not quite’s that are driving us away and to the place that has everything we have but fills in the missing gaps. You probably think we are taking the easy way out.

Is it easy to leave everything you know and everyone you know behind? Is it easy to start again from scratch? I think it’s far easier to maintain status quo.

I just can’t imagine ever supporting the Ozzie cricket team though

Nearly the end of work for 2009 and the start of 2 weeks of nothing but music making madness! (ok its already 2010 by the time I have finished writing this)

I thought I would describe my home “studio” to anyone who may be wondering what kind of stuff is needed to create music nowadays from home.

First off, I will show you what I wish my home studio looked like:

and….

At this time though my studio is comprised of 5 simple things namely:

• Laptop (the same one I use for work)
• Sennheiser HD 25-1-II Headphones
  
• M-Audio Axiom 49 Midi Controller
  
• Ableton Live Suite 8 as my sequencer
  
• Wide variety of VST instruments, processors and effects

At this point in time, you will not have heard any of my tracks because I have not put any of them anywhere. In due course though, I will start bombarding every available web avenue and social media platform until hopefully a label bites

In terms of instruments, effects and processors, I make use of the big names:

VST Instruments

Subtractive

• LennarDigital – Sylenth1
• Novation – Bass Station
• Novation – V Station
• ReFX –  Vanguard
• Rob Papen – Predator
• Fab Filter – Twin

Wavetable

• Native Instruments – Massive

Harmonic Component Modelling

• Tone 2 – Gladiator

Frequency Modulation

• Native Instruments – FM8
• Rgcaudio – Z3ta+

Percussive Synthesis and Sampling

• Native Instruments – Battery 3 (Sampling)
• Waldorf – Attack (Synthesis)

Orchestral

• Miroslav Philharmonik

In terms of effects and processors, I am using a variety of stuff from SoundToys, Sonalksis, Waves, Flex Development Labs, FabFilter, PSP and Oxford. These comprise compressors, limiters, phase and frequency shifters, fancy filters ,gates, transient designers, expanders, multiband EQ and top class echoes, reverbs, delays, doublers, flangers and a million other things.

The thing that I have realized over the last 8 months since I started my music production journey is that your processors and effects are crucial to obtaining that professional sound but using the latest, greatest outboard gear is not.

Music theory is important but not as important as being spontaneous and learning as much about sound engineering and production techniques as you can.

I am not yet at the point where I have made a professional sounding track with all the polish that you would expect from a top tune but this year is the year!!

The stereotype has such a strong presence in much of society. Right or wrong, they dictate a lot of perceptions and belief systems which can be both amusing and catastrophic. I will use some of the stereotypes of Jewish people as an example since I am a Jew so I can J

Us jews are seen as somewhat a thrifty bunch. Knowing a few jews I can both confirm and deny this stereotype in equal amounts but of course, the collective mind likes to generalise about a few examples and in a secondary fashion, generalise about the most recent occurrences as well. By this I mean that most people will take the most recent memory of something occurring such as a person being sick and go make the generalisation “you are always getting sick, what wrong with you”. In fact, all that needs to happen is that the mind attaches the stereotype of sickness to that person when it happens in recent memory and perhaps once before, possible even quite a while before.

The generalisation powers of the mind are some of our greatest strength and greatest egoic weakness.

Based on partial information we are able to generalise a system, situation or action to the point where we can plan, strategise and apply logic. Our ability to do these things is why we are so successful as a species. We are able to generalise the action process needs to track a ball travelling through the air and actually catch it through a reactionary instinct that has taken millions o years of evolution. It sounds so trivial but try get a robot to do the same thing. Yes you are right, it hasn’t been done yet because the mind’s parallel computer and vision system and mechanism by which actions performed over time become “common sense” are pretty hard to replicate.

Of course, the greatest weakness comes in when the stereotypes lead to a desire for separation and an incorrect feeling of superiority caused by the ego’s need to distinguish itself from others. With specific references to the Jews, the Holocaust is an easily identifiable case in point.

But between both extremes lie some of what effects most of our life. Those little generalisations that come out after a few too many drinks or in casual conversation. Those stereotypes of jews, blacks, whites, women, homosexuals etc etc. You know those ones, you have them too. We all do at some time.

Of course they affect how we interact with people who are part of that generalisation and it is pretty difficult firstly, to realise that a certain reaction is due to the stereotype you have and then secondly, to acknowledge it and try make a decision independently of it.

I have a particular issue with a very specific person at present and although I am aware of the stereotype in my mind and the effect it’s having on our interactions, I still choose to act in a certain way because of it. That is my fault and I need to resolve it. I cannot change them but I can change myself and how I respond to this person. Again this is my ego’s need to separate at work in trying to prove to me that because I do not act like them, I am therefore “better” than them. This is all ego, this is not me.

Hopefully this will be the last post on this current theme that I seem to be on, I will probably be boring all 3 of my readers to death by now J

I have been wondering what the best way to approach any problem is. Is there an optimal way to solve an issue or will it always be context dependant? I think a lot about how I approach things and although I sometimes think that I over-analyse and give myself too much to consider, I am also pretty happy with what I have achieved at this point in my life, which must be at least partially due to how I solve problems.

I do try and see every problem as an opportunity to learn and I am the first to admit that this is not always easy, especially when the pressure is on and I haven’t handled something the way I probably should’ve.

If, in the moment of crisis, struggle or mental upheaval you step outside the thoughts and think about what you are thinking about, you might be surprised how insightful you actually are about the way you do things and the way you think about things. But first and fore mostly, thinking about how you are solving the problem actually takes away the problem to an extent because in that moment, there is no problem, there are only thoughts and thoughts are never the issue, it is your emotional reaction to those thoughts that can be the issue.

Think about that for a second. If you control your emotions, then over time you can control your reactions to any situation even when you are challenged in a way that seems to threaten your ego’s sense of ownership, entitlement and desire to be the victim. That is powerful because you have not only changed how you “think” for the better but you changed it without actually changing your personality or being hard on yourself for how you think.

You can’t really change how you think and by this I mean you cannot control a thought that comes into your head but by changing how you react emotionally, over time, those negative, pessimistic thoughts that cause mental anguish and disease just subside on their own and all of a sudden you realise that you don’t think those thoughts any more.

Negative, compulsive thinking is everything that is wrong with the current world in my opinion and if you look around at the increasing number of people getting cancer, getting divorced and living unfulfilled lives, then surely this is all too obvious.

Knowledge contained in books like “The 7 habits of highly effective people” by Stephen Covey, “Mind Power” by John Kehoe and “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman and “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle should be the foundational knowledge upon which all other knowledge in life is based. Everything else is less important and reciprocally, everything else will become more achievable if your emotions can be mastered.

It’s certainly a life-long battle and I am always learning more and getting it wrong all the time but that what it’s about. Enjoying and treasuring the journey because you will never reach the destination so rather embrace that concept now and let go of the reward at the end of the tunnel. There is no reward at the end, the reward is happening right now whether you are aware of it or not.

Getting pretty tired of this crap. I listen every day hoping that today will be the day they decide to play something other then the same crap house mash-ups using the same crap acapella’s. Every day, the same tunes almost, trying to do the same thing….off beat, off key vocals and mash ups. It’s really sad that a DJ in South Africa is someone who does the same thing as everyone else. No wonder we have no one in the Top 100, it’s because we are completely unoriginal in our approach!

I was fortunate enough to go to Ibiza in 2008 and in doing so, one realises just how far behind we are in terms of parties, the atmosphere, the fun and of course, the music. There is only on place in SA that has it and does it right and that is ESP in JHB! They know what music is and how to play and mix it. They know how to drive a crowd wild! They are the only nightclub I will go to because they have a soul for the music.

Everything else in SA is shit!

I don’t know what happened to that rave seen of the 90’s? Those good old Rosebank days of the 90’s! Fuck man, those were the days! Since then, there has been almost nothing new, nothing unique and nothing that pushes the boundaries. Trance and Techno just aren’t accepted in this country and I don’t know why, it has so much depth and character but I guess, one can’t account for taste these days!

I listen to the radio on my way to work and all I hear is Lady Gaga, Britney and other horse shit and I wonder, where have the real musicians and artists gone? Where is the talent, it must still be there surely?

I saw something on Facebook the other day which really pissed me off. Fucking Tiesto is giving away as a competition prize, a personal phone call!!!!! Huge ass WTF!!!!!

How can their egos have gone so far up their own asses that even the guys that are talented, have become shallow, vote seeking, Top 100 thriving assholes!

Good on you ESP and James and Shane and everyone else! You are authentic! Don’t loose sight of that!

For many of us, that post to Twitter, Facebook, represents something of a dissemination of the soul. It is how we tend to define our way of thinking or perhaps even rationalising it in terms of what others think of our own lives. I mean, really, what is the point of putting some pictures on the Facebook? Let’s analyse it for a second….

What are the emotional and mental ambiguities that are being attached to such an operation? When taking the pics, was “how it would look on Facebook” the concern? Was the effect of jealousy on others something to marvel about? Why do we do it, actually? Well fuck me if I knew, I do it too

There seems to be some sort of social phenomenon going on that is fixated on the need to share “stuff” be it personal status updates, photo feeds or maybe even home-made porn. Why? Are we in general, a society who cannot find sollace in those that surround us or perhaps more directly, can we not find acceptance from those around us?

Acceptance of the norm seems to be crucial to how to survive in this day and age. Acceptance is such a four letter word to me. Normalisation, to me, seems like such a trivial goal. Fuck you and what you think, honestly! You don’t define the rules or how they should be implemented! You don’t define my happiness and solitude! You are a wanker, just like me and everyone else!

Yet your opinion seems to matter, silly really!

If at all possible, I am always on the prowl to reduce the effects that the mind-identified mind has on me. My own mind, that is.

I have been reading the 2 famous books by Eckhard Tolle namely, “The Power of Now” and “The New Earth” and of course they are life changing, mind altering and truly revolutionary. I have been on the quest of self-improvement for a number of years now and at this point, I have been able to reach a good place in terms of ego balance yet I am still battling a bit with acceptance of The Now, acceptance of what-is.

It is a difficult thing to comprehend because our entire lives, upbringing and culture is fixated on making you, effectively, the conglomeration of the past who constantly yearns for the future, believing that the future is better and the grass is greener.

I see this around me mostly because I am now able to see it in myself. I want to help those around me get out of this train of thought but I know it would be too condescending to mention. Of course, my emotional awareness also makes me realise that I want to make it aware to them because at some level, it would satisfy the always present need to have my ego scratched, due to the ego’s desire to prove a separation between them and me. I am aware of it. The work place seems to be where people need the most awakening but it is also the one place that would probably never understand.

The trick is to not be too hard on yourself for having the egoic thoughts. It is merely to acknowledge them. Acknowledgement does 2 things. Firstly, it stops the thought in its tracks. Secondly, stepping outside of the thought, over time, will stop the egoic thoughts from happening in the first place because that’s just part of how the mind seems to work.

I love where I am right now in terms of my consciousness but ironically the world seems simpler when you let your mind run on auto-pilot and never truly thinking about what you are thinking or feeling.

My true aim for the next while is to be able to completely focus on the now without needing to focus on the now. If what is, just is, then, well….I have reached that point where few will ever tread.

Setting goals for the sake of having goals is not necessarily a good idea unless you plan to action them otherwise, you end up feeling pretty poo about life after being unable to achieve your them. That said, I am not one of those people and I am relentlessly pursuing my goals despite my tendency to assign procrastination to lack of time.

My medium term goals, in no particular order are as follows:

• Continue to be an awesome husband (well that’s my opinion anyway)
• Become the worlds greatest DJ and producer
• Play the piano and bongo drums effortlessly
• Eat the food and drink the wine of every country in the world
• Continue writing on topics of substance and resisting to be like every other popular blog that writes bits about everything
• Definitely cook more, especially more Mediterranean
• Exercise more! A got a gym contract, it’s a start, give me a break!

That’s a decent list for the time being. I think I will have to re-evaluate whether I am the worlds greatest DJ and producer every month or so because it’s has such an immediate horizon

Apparently most of the world is divided into a few types of people. By far the largest group is those that need to be managed, then there are those that can manage others and in the smallest of minorities are those that can lead.

I know very few leaders and of the managers that I do know, few of them are good at it. Managers tend to be those that love to be negative and pessimistic, they spend all their focus on trying to do things right without paying any attention to whether or not they are doing the right thing. I have no time for managers, good or bad because the bad one’s make my life hell and the good ones cannot consider other options or other ways of doing things. They care not about being better than they already are, they only care about not becoming worse. Growth is not an option, the only option is not moving backwards, how negative!

Leading is about being the visionary, the one who won’t accept defeat and the one who knows how to be humble when he is defeated. Managers have no idea how to think beyond the boundaries of their experience. Managers may in time become CEO’s but they will never be entrepreneurs. They do not have the internal guiding light to separate themselves from what everyone else is doing and consequently, they become like every other business head void of any real concern or creativity.

I would rather be a leader of one than a manager of many.

It must be said that I am not proud to be a man most of the time. When I see the poor examples of the shoddy, cheating, lying, greedy cavemen around me, I agree with the sentiment that god seriously fucked it up when he created man!

Amongst the thousands of issues I have with the man of today, the one that I feel like speaking about at the moment is how much of his useless life is filtered through his jealous mind.

It’s as if he was put on this earth to rape, pillage and plunder the life and soul out of anything that could infer a weakness in own ability, wealth or status.

One of the best places to see such effects, are in your typical business meeting, you know the type where we try to impress you by metaphorically dragging our dicks across the board room table, taking out a ruler and measuring the mighty sword that has fucked up much of this world.

It’s all about me versus you, us versus them, haves or have nots, the hottest girlfriend, the most woman, the best car, the best LCD TV and the sad excuses at the end of the debauchery.

Now I am not going to sit here and say woman are not like this because that would be bullshit! Woman are are slowly treading the same paths by trying to beat men using the same game, instead of playing their own game, to their own strengths and being better than men by virtue of the fact that they are better than men.

The same clichés, the same stereotypes are more prevalent than ever and will continue to further dominate the increasing divorce rate until people learn to break free from the way they were raised and the excuses they continue to make to justify their behaviour.

You do not have to be the person that everyone else is, you are responsible for your actions and you can change to be a better person. It’s taken me many years to break free from my upbringing’s indoctrinations but I did it first and foremost by realising that indoctrinations existed.

That has to be the first step but of course, the world is too ignorant and selfish to realise a problem in itself so never mind, waste of time….

Today, I once again had to go to one of South Africa’s most prize possessions, one of our shining examples of prosperity and justice and a downright fabulous example of the uselessness of certain arms of this country. I went to the police station.

I find it so sad that going to the police station, I was made to feel somewhat embarrassed because my reason for being there was not something akin to rape or murder. It seems lessor issues are precisly unimportant to the SAPS but even worse, the fact that I am white means that I now somehow deserve it or can, at least, afford to deal with it. It’s pathetic.

Those people are supposed to be our knights in shining armour, our saviours in darkness but instead, they are the epitamy of what is wrong with this country. In their eyes, they are above the law and as such, have almost no motivation to implement it. They would rather laugh at you then assist you.

I have lost all faith in our police service over the last few years due to the unfortunate interactions that I or my family has had to have with them. For me it has reached the point where should I need to call someone in the most dire of situations, they will be last on the list.